Articles
Threesomes Have Class by Sara Whitford on May 30th, 2008
Most couples seeking a threesome want a woman to be the third party.
BERKELEY, Calif. (TNA) – Want to have two partners at the same time, but don’t know where to begin? Well, two San Francisco intimacy counselors want to make having a ménage a trois as easy as one-two-threesome.
Danielle Harel, Ph.D. and Celeste Hirschman are certified sexologists who have helped many couples seduce or at least consider seducing a third into the bedroom through a series of sex workshops held several times a year at Good Vibrations, a San Francisco-based adult toy store.
Hirschman and Harel use their experience in sex counseling and in their personal lives to give some practical tips on how couples can navigate their way to group sex.
Not shy themselves, both ladies freely share their experiences of being a third wheel as well as the fun times that can be had with an extra pair of hands.
Some aspiring threesome participants at one recent class admitted being dragged to the workshops by adventurous partners, while others confessed they were there to learn how to spice up their sex life.
Although the easiest way to get a threesome going is to pay a prostitute, that leaves couples open to getting robbed or arrested, so Harel and Hirschman offer tips on how to find that other partner without resorting to money.
It’s not always easy, especially because the majority of couples attending the workshops are looking for an extra female – and finding her can be tricky, according to the “sexperts.”
Also, group sex is a radical topic for many to straddle and Harel and Hirschman admit seeing their share of confused looks and flushed faces at their workshops and at private counseling sessions.
They also see a lot of fear, the most common of which stems from insecurities. People are often afraid their partners will run off with the third party.
San Francisco-based sex counselors Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman help couples to get over the threesome hump.
But Hirschman tries help the skeptically insecure see the other side of that fear by asking, “Instead of your partner going off on their own to fulfill their desires, why not come along for the ride?”
This may sound all fine and dandy in theory, but some folks who are considering doubling their pleasure with a threesome still feel conflicted.
For instance, some folks in high profile careers worry what will happen if their kinky desires become public fodder. Others, like “Denise,” 32, a web developer in Berkeley, Calif., fear their performance won’t live up to the standards set by the other participants.
“I know myself too well that my insecurities might pop up right in the middle of this and I will start thinking I am not as sexy as the other girl or not as kinky as I should be and then kill the whole mood,” she lamented.
These worries are natural for first-timers, but even people well-versed in threesomes can have issues.
During the most recent class, one young couple admitted that even though they are veterans with multiple-partner sex, they were unprepared when one of their sex partners attempted to take the relationship outside of the bedroom.
Hirschman says the key to minimizing problems like these is being direct from the get-go. But while she and Harel recommend open communication before any clothing is taken off, they also admit things can still get sticky no matter how firmly the boundaries are set.
“Your partner may agree prior to how far he or she is willing to go but it’s important to always pick a safe word to signal that things are getting too uncomfortable,” Hirschman said.
Once the natural fears and concerns are dealt with, there comes an even bigger challenge: How to find that naughty man or woman to join the triad. Naturally, this is where the Internet can come in handy, but only if you know what you want and what to expect.
“You need to be very specific of what you want, otherwise you’ll get 200 emails from men. But even if you say women only you’ll still get a hundred replies from men,” Hirschman said.
The experts say throwing a hot tub party is the easiest way to get a threesome going.
She compares hunting for a threesome partner to trying to hitchhike on the open road: People are always less likely to pick up a man than a woman, and such is often the case in the hooking-up game – two-way or three-way.
The Internet does have its share of risks, the most obvious being picking up a crazy person, but the screening process, which Hirschman suggests could be handled casually over drinks or dinner, can help quell those fears.
She also recommends that when couples find that third party they both desire, they hold back on blurting out “Threesome!” even after the third bottle of tequila.
Instead, body language often holds the key to unlocking the extra golden pussy – or penis.
“Do they have the ‘I-want-to-fuck-you’ face?" Harel implored quite bluntly.
There are other methods of finding threesome partners as well. For instance, sex clubs naturally cater to adventurous couples who would rather not troll their local Applebee’s for group sex.
But, even here, Harel says there could be problems due to too many choices.
“Sex clubs are typically couples only, so be prepared to consider a foursome or even sixsome,” she said.
But if people don’t like to stay up late and go to sex clubs, they can still make their bedtime and have some kinky group sex with hook-up sites that cater to non-night-owls such as DayPlayersParties.com, a club that hosts daytime sex parties.
And last, but certainly not least, there’s always the old-fashioned bar, which Hirschman says could be fun for the relationship even if it doesn’t result in a three-way hook-up and provides an opportunity for couples to practice their dual flirting skills.
Even if you’re not serious about a threesome that evening, Harel and Hirschman suggest going out and playing around with the idea of picking up a third partner just for fun, and perhaps after a few drinks and some flirting, some wild after-hours sex could be a real possibility.
Generally, women are more inclined to consider a threesome if approached by another female.
A key suggestion by Hirschman is to have the female of the couple make the approach to the potential third party if it is a woman.
“Women are more on guard and defensive when a man comes up to them cold. They’re more at ease with a woman because they aren’t expected to be hit on in some crude way,” Hirschman said.
Hirschman and Harel also know firsthand the power of flattery, being women themselves.
“Women need to feel desired and be reassured that both of you find them beautiful and sexy,” Harel said.
Once a friendly conversation is going with compliments flying generously, Harel and Hirschman recommend bringing up the topic of sex -- that way there is a possibility the potential playmate may reveal his or her sexual preferences.
“People love to talk about sex, especially in a general way,” Hirschman said.
Of course, one’s environment can also be an aid in setting up a threesome, namely a party with a hot tub, which Harel and Hirschman consider to be the most powerful weapon in the art of trifecta seduction.
“It helps people relax and turn their focus on their bodies and receiving pleasure,” Harel said.
“-- And everybody’s already naked!” Hirschman exclaimed. “Half the work is already done.”
After a few drinks and hot tub sessions later, kinky couples can be merrily on their way to Threesome Street and Orgasm Avenue without having to shell out too much moolah.
That’s a prospect that pleased “Chris,” 42, a San Francisco graphic designer and workshop alum.
“That’s the way I like it,” he said. “Totally free and three-way.”